Doubt

I have been here before –

falling somewhere between desperation and reason.

I have even tried to justify my every step:

“no need, unless you know you’re wrong”

and so, yes, the voice doth preach,

and the ears will recoil,

for I am not about to listen.

Remember this –

I’ll only learn in this state

If it’s not guilt or some other fanciful delight you speak of.

I am the product of other people’s tyrannies.

I have, for too long, stood in the shadow of other people’s choices –

I am suffused to doubt

and bolstered up to clarify

that ne’er again will there be

that ne’er again for me, at least,

No surrender –

No surrender –

at least as long as I can see the boundaries.

The risk then less

I shall bravado fly

till truth be told.

I’ll fear again

The honest murmurings

of doubt

and place the ‘tough guy’ in the box –

the redundant hologram

it’s what I am

or would be

If I had to be

but I’ve invested too much

in believing

that it’s not

all as bad as that,

and that, if I choose,

I can contribute to this better world.

I will become the sum total

of fear, subservience, doubt, cowardice et al,

till it is further understood

I’m here for me

at first

I’m here to live,

not die.

I have questions –

beyond gravity –

which interest me.

I’m more concerned

and yet…

And then this doubt –

It is my life!

©TheHairyTeacher2014