Tag Archives: fear

Earthy Pathways

In the early morning the exodus begins.

The waves of earthworms from their homes evicted.

Falling prey to birds and rubber tyres.

Their fate sealed by the earth in which they live.

Betrayed, at least upended, they have no Noah to their cause.

They move en masse but separately,

towards a new beginning.

But it’s progress, not their own,

which has pushed them to this point.

As their habitat’s eroded their risks become significant.

On a soaked air morn from earth’s saturation

little creatures flee, to breathe,

but may never sleep again.

©TheHairyTeacher2014

Doubt

I have been here before –

falling somewhere between desperation and reason.

I have even tried to justify my every step:

“no need, unless you know you’re wrong”

and so, yes, the voice doth preach,

and the ears will recoil,

for I am not about to listen.

Remember this –

I’ll only learn in this state

If it’s not guilt or some other fanciful delight you speak of.

I am the product of other people’s tyrannies.

I have, for too long, stood in the shadow of other people’s choices –

I am suffused to doubt

and bolstered up to clarify

that ne’er again will there be

that ne’er again for me, at least,

No surrender –

No surrender –

at least as long as I can see the boundaries.

The risk then less

I shall bravado fly

till truth be told.

I’ll fear again

The honest murmurings

of doubt

and place the ‘tough guy’ in the box –

the redundant hologram

it’s what I am

or would be

If I had to be

but I’ve invested too much

in believing

that it’s not

all as bad as that,

and that, if I choose,

I can contribute to this better world.

I will become the sum total

of fear, subservience, doubt, cowardice et al,

till it is further understood

I’m here for me

at first

I’m here to live,

not die.

I have questions –

beyond gravity –

which interest me.

I’m more concerned

and yet…

And then this doubt –

It is my life!

©TheHairyTeacher2014

Charm

Words from another-

complimenting.

There is honesty and

bravery –

I am jealous.

I fight for my voice;

it seeps sometimes

through the cracks

in my reserve,

my fear of others’ opinions.

But it vies for recognition…

©TheHairyTeacher2014

Narcissus

Narcissus

The violence rendered on his face spoke volumes.
He didn’t seem content enough to just stare me down.
He seemed to be growling just under the metre.
He seemed to be grinning just beneath the frown.
There seemed to be no joy in his presence
and yet his t-shirt proclaimed him Mr. Happy.
Was it some kind of joke, and did the others get it.
Well, they did seem to be laughing quite a lot.
But this guy remained solid, mimicking my discomfort.
There was malice in his soul brimming over into his eyes.
But he held a composure, a measure, almost a reserve.
I snorted as false bravado, he returned it venomous.
I held his eyes for as long as he held mine.
The church bells rang and I looked up, away.
Did he do so? I could not tell, but he was watching me
when I returned to watching him…
and then he was gone, swinging out of my vision and a couple stood there
till invited to the bar whereupon the sniggers returned.
And then he was back, looking at me looking at him.
I scratched my head,as did he. Coughed and convulsed in unison…
Every night…a voice whispered from the bar
Poor thing…God how I hated pity.
Doesn’t anybody tell him?
Why?
It’s cruel…
I get up to leave and as always I brave the leering fool and as ever he steps aside as I pull open the door…and then the steps drag me up into the street, and home.

 

©TheHairyTeacher2013

 

 

 

 

 

 

A letter to any listener

A letter to any listener

Hi there

How are you? How’s tricks? How’s the family, or not? How now brown cow! Any news? Well, apart from the usual nonsense…

[Blah blah blah]

Anyway, as for the teaching regulations I seem to have avoided their web for another while and am still in the white as far as invoicing goes but it’s becoming more and more difficult. If the companies are spooked then rather than jump through the legal hoops they’ll just jump ship. As far back as 2011 there was a change in the law which meant that companies to whom I issued invoices had to cover my health insurance payments. A funny thing about it was that in some cases this seemed not to be true, while others, believing the initial rumours, wanted instead to pay me in black. Two years on the companies that stayed with me have had no trouble so whatever shadow had passed over in those dark ’11s had dissipated…only to loom much larger as of Sept 1st this year…when, indeed, the law stated much more specifically that people of my disposition, the idiots-for-honesty, were most definitely dis-entitled to issue invoices with the trademark “nyelvoktatás” code. Instead in a frantic scramble for legitimacy another existing code was sought out and came in the guise of “egyéb oktatás”. That there is a clear distinction between the two is obvious in the way of spelling, and may even be supported semantically, but to say that what I actually do has gone from being “language” teaching to “other” rings of something sinister. I see myself in a coutroom some time down the line pleading innocence in the light of allegations of some newly contrived perversion as distinguished by an ever-enlightening-ruling-elite (the word government ringing too much of communist ideologies by that time). That my case will hinge on the ominous term “other education” will certainly be my downfall and as I am dragged away by my oppressors I will rage loudly and invoke the honest Hungarians now resident in Slovakia (and other Trianon treated regions) who at once in a darker past woke one morning to find themselves strangers in a strange land, and note that in my own demise I may take heart that I am not alone. A man made criminal, a man made foreigner, in my case to the profession that I once purported to be be qualified to do.

For now I do bid you adieu.

Martin of the Magyars

©TheHairyTeacher2013

Another Life

Another Christ has risen

Another fast forgotten

Another great day of celebration

That makes us better than them.

Another year has passed

Another chance is lost

Another reason to abhor

That stagnant church profusion.

Another child baptised

Another lamb to the lies

Another “soul” converted

To that hateful, spiteful, plan.

©TheHairyTeacher2013

Another thought

I know that once I made a promise to never stop loving,
but I’ve forgotten to whom to,
and I’ve broken it a hundred times.
Through the ages I have realised that it bothers me more –
how we are, us humans, than how we’d ever dare
to ignore it, with a distraction such as love.

It keeps us alive, it’s true, but I’ve also learnt of fascists
who’d rather have died than stop loving…
Am I the coward after all!

 

©TheHairyTeacher2013

Afternoon Tram

Afternoon tram, the smell of perfume, aftershave and youth.
Some more aged try blending in with the chaos,
and I’m reminded of what some students said:
“the old are so annoying.”
Am I old to them or am I still young if but mature?
Do I become old when I find them irritating?
No, they irritate each other! Don’t they?
Am I OLD if I even have to ask these questions?
My stop comes…

 

©TheHairyTeacher2013

The Horror

The Horror

The pleasant day expressed

in the smiles of passengers.

Babes asleep, breasts all pert,

the Spring-time thickening.

The on and off from stop to stop

I smile inside – it’s life.

But what bitterness has brought me to this juncture,

where I peel back the pleasantries

and vent again, once more:

the words contorted – I am afraid

for I’ve had dreams

of which I cannot speak.

 

©TheHairyTeacher2013

Wisdom

The harsh look, the broken cheeks;

Many smiles have lost their form there.

You venture quizzically in my direction;

I know you mean to intimidate.

I’ve drunk enough to understand that.

All you do, though still beyond me,

It still reigns through the vital-est thing.

Our honesty will make or break us.

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