Tag Archives: love

Indeed

Dye see yer one?

You mean…( outlining a chest size)

Yep. She’s wearing those like they were just new…

Or like a man with his wish for a day!

Whatever, her top seems beleagured…

As does her lap…

As is my soul…

Soul my hole!

No, not hole, but you’re getting hot.

I know, and bothered…

Under the collar!

Good God!

Really?

Well he did make those…

And those are just sinful.

God, the ole devil:)

Amen.

And women too

Of course

Horses for courses

One in the hand

Making mountains out of mole hills…

Mountains out of mountains…

Indeed.

 

©TheHairyTeacher2014

In Life As In Love

In Life As In Love

We are all characters in somebody else’s book as well, as I in theirs, they are in mine, and so the cycle completes itself, the gentle interweave of thoughts and images; we are all still characters in someone else’s book, and she, for what it’s worth, was in mine.

It all began, as any story does, but when exactly is such a vagary that all I’ll say is it all began sometime before this, sometime, as you’d expect, in the past, seeing as any story must have its linearity to some degree.

When he heard her speak for the first time, she spoke English, but it could have been French, it was so heavily inflected. As it happened, after that she did, as they both did try French together with varying degrees of success. She spoke as she had to, he, as he wanted to, and this would come to define everything that they were.

She dressed simply, almost the prude, he drew his inspiration from rebellion: he dared to be different. She wore her hair short, cropped, a very conservative style. He left grow grow long, and somewhat unkempt. He had an image conveyed by his exterior. His interior it was that would finally betray him.

As they passed each other, met each other, chatted to each other, they found a path between them that dared to intertwine. She had smiled freely from the start but now he noticed the light in her eyes, he presumed a recent phenomenon, brought on by his own presence. He, too, felt a smile gain purchase on his face, and had even dared to think differently.
„If only she would be mine.”

One day followed the next into a framework of unfettered change. She became more sensual, more illustrious; he assumed, too, that she had begun to notice the change in him, for hadn’t he just then passed a witty remark. How intelligent he must seem. Beneath the veneer of apathy a man troubled with such existential matters truly existed.

One day became another and he built her up into the graven image of his thwarted soul, she would be the one to save him, redeem him- for whatever he had done, he had done wrong. She would be his right, his innocence; she would be the one to teach him love. “Oh sweet rebellious heart, that you may be salved by the unguent of my deepest love!” He thought, indeed, that she would matter.

One day not unlike another, busying himself with his indifference, trying to remain inconspicuous, he had spotted her in a crowd. She hadn’t even noticed him. He dared to think she didn’t care. She just hadn ‘t noticed him, but why? Perhaps it wasn’t even her, but it was. His tiny heart knew it. The flowers late in bloom made to shed their petals. He approached in his casual way. „Were those laughs for me?”, as he passed a table full of stangers.

“Hi, how are you?” the faintest whisper, his all alluring mystery.

“Hi. Who are you?” the abundant reply.

Indeed!

One day, like another, just passed by, just kept on going without a care. No need to stop, no need to pause, to reflect. Just on and on. Day after day, week after week. Life crumbled into an infinite void, no longer relevant. For she hadn’t even recognised him, not even after he had explained himself. She had been so cool; he the frigid fool, rendered inert. He had tried to be witty. She had smiled politely, then left. The next time she had come to the bar she had had an escort, 3 men, as if protection was necessary.

He didn’t know why. He hadn’t even noticed her. She meant nothing anymore. He would swear he had never thought of her again. And yet she would remain a part of his story as he a part of hers. His pain: that she had played her part well while he remained in hers just an extra, unnoticed, forgotten. He had even forgotten himself.

 

©TheHairyTeacher2014

Love is…

Love is…

Samuel Beckett: “If you do not love me I shall not be loved. If I do not love you I shall not love.”

 

In this conveys the sacrifice not of man to woman nor vice versa but of us, humanity, to the passions which oft times our rationality would refuse. For what is Love…and in this I do beseech you… patience, for truly there is no answer; but that here, right now, and in the understanding of words and the depth of emotion, some have tried to answer, tried to commend with thought that which rejects all reason…and yet it is our very reason which we would offer up as sacrifice to the greater wealth of Love…for yes, man, woman, humanity, could no longer relish its existence but that it would converge upon the greater plateau, as somehow we perceive it, and thereon it would allow us relinquishment, it would tease us to falter, doubt, then continue…this place defined not as the altar, nor as the tomb, but the essence of all things. What is Love if in truth it cannot be and not be, if it cannot live and unlive, if it cannot draw from you the listener a certain rush to stale sobriety, cynicism perhaps veiled. What is Love if it cannot defend itself against the very things which it purports to describe. For Love must be more than these and all words. Love must be a bore when it is bandied about in rhetoric. Love, by its own volition, negates itself but that it is felt to within an inch of its loss, for Love is all that we don’t have in a moment. Love is not regret! Love is not memory…these things already define themselves. Love is everything and cannot be rendered, divided, shared. Love is whole, complete, infinite. Love is!

 

©TheHairyTeacher2014

Her Mysterious

She curiously inclines herself to look
to search
to seek.
She’s prettied herself right up tonight
to find
to clutch
to keep.
But her face it tells of tears just fresh
that she hides beneath a blush.
And her eyes they tell of painful things
she’ll never to you entrust!

©TheHairyTeacher2014

Friendship

Friendship is the well from which we draw when our loneliness becomes unbearable.
It is the bank into which we deposit without ever a single care.
It is the salvation in the doom,
the guiding light within the darkness.
This is friendship, and nothing more.

©TheHairyTeacher2014

Calgary…a review

Calgary…this is not my first time.
Herein seduced by the piano
Now all atumble with bits and bobs
But isn’t this whole place?
And so-
I wonder-
If maybe at a twirl, speakeasily,
Everything may be different.
From out of the radio the music spells freedom:
Hungarian, gypsy? –
Inflected with a francophilia.
It sways into a kind of opulence
Before surrendering to the density of the heart
Only to be released by the furious incline
Of a violin, a fiddle,
Turned demented – Chagallian –
Dancing o’er the notions of a childish nightmare.
And then a kind of swing kicks in –
In defiance of work, or the mundane,
And yet in celebration of life, of love.
And then the beer protests
“No words are more important”
As the hands and mind become distracted.
Again the calls repeat more loudly,
More vociferously
“No words were ever so important”
But the pen moves on
The gas keeps rising
And so the battle has begun
Between the poet and (the) drink
Sober and drunk
And somewhere amidst this selfish incline-
A battle suffused on the shores of otherness –
A hint, a notion, of other things.
A charge, a brigade
In the light they falter fall, but forever rise again.
For unlike men this is family,
For unlike duty this is love,
But for unlike freedom,
This is responsibility.
The thing that tears at each rebel’s heart.

“They would topple a government and so too a family in favour of a freedom that can never be won – a dream, however, that is the fuel of life.”

©TheHairyTeacher2014

E.G.

Példaúl – but we don’t need it…cos I never forget.
Por ejemplo, par example, mar shampla…etc…
I’m not about to become pretentious.
The pen that writes this is borrowed,
so is the language…
I’ll never be right in their eyes
And surely I’ll never write
the right to be right
and write to express it.
In the stench of old arguments, and stale pre-smoked cigarettes,
I delight in the fact that I don’t have to be among them.
I did lose a good person in the mist,
in the midst, tonight…
but she wasn’t for this world, and my temptations.
It’s possible because she may have been better.
She may be better:
She’s certainly not worse!

©TheHairyTeacher2014

The Raven’s Rainbow

The Raven’s Rainbow

Beneath the feathers of every raven there hides a rainbow, the old man had said, but Billy had just put it down to one of those things that old men said: some thing that pretended to wisdom but was more probably nonsense.
The old man had died that night and Billy had given his last words no more thought. Huddled together with his best friend Sammy at the bottom of a mist carpetted field, each trying to keep warm by rubbing up against a tree trunk and letting the cigarette ends close to their encasing hands, both wearing jackets that were designed to stand up only to summer showers, Billy found the words coming back to him.
The bare trees veined the sky above him and not for the first time did he come to the notion that they looked very much like bronchioles, or at least the diagram of the trackings of a lung as he had seen in his biology book at school.
“The lungs of the earth” he muttered; Sammy grunting, used to his friend’s inner monologue escaping.
“What do you think the purposes of crows are?” Billy suddenly asked.
“Crows?” came the reply.
” Crows, ravens, whatever. I mean what purpose do they serve?”
” None according to my father” Sammy replied “Pests he calls them…Pests!Pests!”.
Billy smiled. What else could he do? Sammy was eccentric that way, but when asked if he’d ever thought of a career in theatre he had answered a firm “No!”.
That was his father speaking, Billy’s mom had said. It was well known that Sammy’s father, a military man, had no love of the performing arts, but his rejection of his eldest son’s sexuality had been the subject of much debate. Needless to say Billy’s mum was not a fan. “Poor Ivan,” she used to say. Wasn’t it hard enough growing up without a mother but then to be shunned by his own father…
Sammy for his part didn’t speak too much about Ivan beyond the boundaries of memory, a fondness of childhood, a time long since gone. When pressed he had matter of factly stated that all queers are diseased, but this had definitely been his father speaking.
Billy’s father, on the other hand, was cut from an entirely different cloth. As happy, if not happier, to be among the wilds, he had often taken Billy with him on his expeditions, in search of nothing as his mother put it.
To not understand the nature of others is no reason to call it unnatural, Billy’s father would often retort when pressed by his mother to justify his long days in the woods. Later Billy would realise that there had been a little jealousy on his mother’s part, Billy’s father having the lion’s share, as it were, of Billy’s company.
“Do you ever wonder why people seem to want such different things, especially people who seem to have so much in common?” Sammy suddenly asked. “Look at Ivan for example.”
“To not understand the nature…” Billy began.
“Oh would you shut up!” Sammy lambasted. Billy face took on a pained expression.
“I’m only messin’ ya silly clot! Don’t be so sensitive!”
“I’m not. I’m only…” Billy began.
“I’m not. I’m only…”Sammy parroted.
God, how Billy hated that, that ridicule.
Oh, how Sammy loved to see such squirming.
“All I’m saying is, why do people with the same upbringing change so much?” Sammy continued.
“Other circumstances,” Billy began.
“Ah, don’t give me that shit about all the little things that could affect us.” Sammy snapped.
“Why not?’ Billy asked.
“A butterfly’s wings bollocks!” Sammy replied getting quite irrate.
Billy never knew how to control these situations, getting angry as he usually did didn’t solve anything, but staying silent only allowed Sammy to feel smug, as if he had won.
Wisdom could have told both boys the pointlessness of their undertakings but, as they say, youth is wasted on the young.
“Well, since you have all the answers” Billy snapped.
“I don’t” said Sammy “but I’m not about to surrender to some hippie dippie shit, neither!”
“As opposed to doom and gloom!?” Billy volleyed.
“Yeah yeah whatever!”
“Whatever!? And there ends the conversation.” Billy was beginning to get very annoyed.
Changing tack Billy decided to let spill the old man’s last words.
“Ravens and rainbows. What rubbish! I mean fair enough if that’s what he said but seriously, what crap.” Sammy stood in cool repose but Billy had no defence. Afterall, hadn’t he also been considering the whole thing nonsense.
The silence laid waste to the cold, both friends grumbling their own righteous state. And then the last of the cigarettes was spent and so they had no more reasons to sit perishing in that place.
Passing down through the golf course on the way home Billy ventured a question, an opening up of dialogue.
“Do you think Ivan is really that different from you?” he asked.
“He’s a fuckin’ faggot for Christssakes; or haven’t you noticed” he snapped. “Maybe because you’re one too” he added.
“I’m not” Billy protested, but he could already feel the blush rising from his neck line.
Sammy just sneered, derision etched across his face.
The rage now welled in Billy and without word he scampered ahead, cleared the fence and marched off taking the left fork, and the shorter route home.
The thought suddenly came to him that it was Sammy who had the money for cigarettes, and he, Billy, had been planning to spend the night in his friend’s place. A regret rose but was buried by the fury currently at large.

 

©TheHairyTeacher2013

And why not…

Questions, questions!

Who needs answers?

Who needs clarity

in the everflux?

Why do we search for guarantees,

and yet accept our evolution?

Shall we sometime reach a point

that will please us all no end?

Not if we are to remain, I say!

Not at all, unless we die…

©TheHairyTeacher2013

Another thought

I know that once I made a promise to never stop loving,
but I’ve forgotten to whom to,
and I’ve broken it a hundred times.
Through the ages I have realised that it bothers me more –
how we are, us humans, than how we’d ever dare
to ignore it, with a distraction such as love.

It keeps us alive, it’s true, but I’ve also learnt of fascists
who’d rather have died than stop loving…
Am I the coward after all!

 

©TheHairyTeacher2013

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